Thursday, February 16, 2006

Pyaar ke asli dushman

"So, tell us about the funkiest thing you have ever done on Valentine's Day" was the question on Go 92.5 FM's "Mumbai Voices" on V Day.

Here is one of the 'funky' answers from a female caller...
I got my medical reports yesterday, it had my ECG. So I decided instead of buying a card or flowers let me give this CD to my boyfriend so he can watch my beating heart.

While host Tarana thinks it's sweet, co-host Jaggu is not too impressed and comments:"You could also look at it as recycling medical reports!"

There's another caller who relates how her friend mentioned that her dream guy would come on a white horse and sweep her off her feet. And what do you know, the boyfriend actually hired a safed ghoda so he could propose to her.

"But what if the horse pooped in the middle of the road?" asked Jaggu. "This is the reason you don't have a girlfriend!" cries an impassioned Tarana.

And the debate continues. To celebrate Valentine's Day - or not to celebrate - depends on whether you are a Taraana or a Jaggu.

The important thing is you should be able to celebrate it - if you wish to. And this year, despite the usual threatening noises from the moral police things were peaceful, with a couple of notable exceptions.

If you ask me, however, I would say the biggest pyaar ke dushman aren't these anti-love protestors and activists but Parents.

It is amazing how few Indian parents - even today - know about the special person in their son or daughter's life. There are multiple reasons for this, depending on what kind of parent you happen to have.

a) The Nahin, nahin, kabhi nahin type: This is the old fashioned breed which will simply NOT consider the subject with any kind of open mind. The kids figure out from an early age that if they get into a relationship, sneaking around is the only sensible strategy.

Attitude towards Marriage: Hum hi decide karenge. Apne hi caste ka hona chahiye. Jab raaz khulta hai there are only two options: break-up, or elopment.

b) The 'You can be friends but...": A little more open-minded, though not out of choice but because zamaana badal gaya hai. The parent does not mind the kid having friendships but 'within a limit'. . Which means, look -don't touch!

Nope, no point spilling the beans here either until you are sure he/ she is THE person you wish to spend the rest of your life with.

Attitude towards Marriage: May be openly or secretly heart broken if kid decides to have 'love marriage' (esp with a boy or girl from a different caste). But will accept the decision eventually.

c) The 'It's OK but settle down first..": A variation of the above, this parent positions his or her concerns in the form of the harmful effects a relationship could have on the kid's psyche and studies. So they advise,"In cheezon ke liye aage poori zindagi padi hai, abhi to padhai ke din hain..."

Attitude towards Marriage: If the kid were to conveniently fall in love at age 25 with a well settled office colleague they would happily give their blessings. In fact they would secretly be happy to not have the headache of finding someone suitable...

d) The 'We're cool with it' types: They exist, but in a minority. The Westernised parents who see nothing wrong in having more than one relationship before marriage (and are cool even if you choose to indefinitely postpone tying the knot).

Attitude towards Marriage: It's your life. But if you really want to - we could step in.

So what kind of parent am I going to be, I wonder. Hopefully 3.5. If my daughter lied to me, it wouldn't be too hard to tell... I cooked up enough stories in my own youth! So honesty would probably be the best policy.

On the other hand I would be unhappy if she went in for a series of shallow physical relationships. I think social pressures and protective parents do make young people in India think twice about casual sex and that is not such a bad thing.

But ultimately, parents and society imposing their will on the youth does not work. They will go through an experimental phase and arrive at a value system of their own. One that may actually be far more 'conservative' that you'd expect.

Although once again, the term conservative means different things to different people... In Bangladesh, the Telecommunications Regulatory Commission recently asked mobile phone operators to discontinue late night free-call facilities. As a newspaper editorial elaborates

The commission has taken the step after receiving 'numerous complaints from parents and guardians on the ground that the late night free-talk facilities were causing moral degradation and change in the behaviour-pattern and life style of the young generation besides hampering their studies and disrupting disciplined and routine life.

Note that complaints were supposedly received from parents and not Islamic fundamentalists alone.

So like I said, zamaane se aap lad lenge. Magar pyaar ke asli dushman... unka kya?


  1. Good Article
    at Tea Time .. :-)

  2. I feel the young generation hardly understands what love means.
    The responsibility and commitment behind loving and being loved is lost on them.

    I feel love has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. And especially the way its celebrated in India.

  3. Wonder if the situation was the same twenty years ago

  4. thats a nice study you have done to seperate people into 4 groups...

    one thing that always keeps me thinking is Valentines Day the best day to ask your friend to be your valentine??

  5. Good study Rashmi!!
    You have an excellent example here in Chennai, India called Anna University, where the oldies are trying to suppress the youth through a string of moral policing.
    Regarding bringing up kids, I think, like our parents, we should not keep a very close eye, because that often creates a sense of curiosity in the growing kids. They should be let to experiment on their own, but at the same time, we should pass on gyan to them about what we feel as right/wring to do!!!

  6. well.. i would say that it mightnt be correct to assign a static rating (1 through 4) to many parents. In a way, their rating is also a function of the age group their children. There are parents who might be in category 2 when their kids are teenagers, but they might shift to 3ish once their kids are well 'settled'. Of course, this doesnt include parents inflicted with caste dogmas.

  7. interesting post. gets me thinking.... since i've been more of a category 3.5 kinda kid... so i guess i'll try n be a category 4 parent. question is how many of my generation will do that... how many after enjoying a 3 or a 4 will go back to a 1 or a 2 when they become parents?

  8. Anonymous7:33 PM

    Nice post as usual. I think, inter-caste marriage is the biggest issue where you will find conflicts between kids and their parents. Probably, its also the main reason why the parents are so watchful over their kids. If there had been no caste system, the category 4 parents would have been lot more in number.

  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  10. for me Pyaar ka asli dushman is Govindraj Eithraj!!

    He could have asked Menaka Doshi to read this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    ha ha! just i have got an informal feedback from a girl that i am TOO practical and dont have emotions! yikes!

    only if she knew that is faulad jaise jism mein kahi ek shisshe ka dil dhadak raha hai! ha ha!!

    I think the only point is girls are too senti and dont mind showing it in public! crying included!
    guys are senti as well but its not a manly thing to do and show the ppl that you are senti!
    I learned this on Sex & The City on HBO!!

    Also , anybody heard that stupid NIIT ad on Radio on Vday that if you dont speak in english or speak in bad english then the chances of getting a chick are zero!!!
    what idiots! who ARE these marketting guys!?!?!??!?!

  11. Excellent stuff, i was trying to figure out where I fit in! Am a first-timer on your blog and will now, obviously, visit it more often !

  12. I grew up in a 3.5-4.0 household. More 4.0 now that I am independant and living in another country. I guess, for me, I would cease being a parent once my kid turns 18. Then, the kid can go to college, live independantly, pay his/her own tuition/ bills/rent and do watever he/ she wants.
    I guess for most parents cutting the apron strings is the hardest. And of course, for most Indian parents, its about what society will say or do.

  13. 3rd serious relationship of my life... (11th overall)...

    Dad: still clueless & searching for perfect punjabi daughter-in-law!

    Ya... cud completely relate to this! :)

  14. I find it interesting that you categorize parents into these moulds. My parents know about my current relationship, and they knew about my last one...those are the only 2 I've had. And i disagree that parents are the 'obstacle to love' as you imply. Parents are not out to get you. They're not trying to make your life miserable. Ever since i went ot college i've realized they're right all the time, they know EVERYTHING, and I've stopped complaining about them.

    I live in the states, and Valentine's day is big here basically so that Hallmark can make money off it. My boyfriend and I didn't really do anything, just went to work, then i worked on GRE studying, read a book and went to sleep. I don't see why you need a particular day to be all affectionate. Aren't there enough times in the year to be that way?

    In any case, I think you offer some interesting perspectives, and I'll be back to check this sit out again:)

  15. Ok, my experience with parents has been a little weird as far as boyfriends go. They know about him, have met him, though I've always maintained that he's just a friend. But of course parents will not miss the sparks. They know only too well that he is not JUST a friend. However, here's the catch. They've NEVER asked me anything about what really is going on. So its more like a known secret and we don't talk about it at home. This arrangement, obviously suits me fine for the simple reason that I have the space AND the time (minus pressures) to judge whether I want to settle down with the same guy eventually or not... At the same time, since they've met him, they know exactly whom I am with.
    Not the bad villainous sorts at all. Though I'd keep my fingers crossed. Parents also have this amazing ability to spring surprises any minute...!

  16. Spot on with your analysis. I just wont understand how and when we will have a free society, really!

  17. Hi rashmi,

    Is this the topic on which you can garner kudos for yourself.Sorry for being harsh...This is too rotten to write.How U manage to write on such shallow? My point is parents will ever come to stop U from doin all this..untill you are well settled.They have their own tenet...why will they spoil their own image by stopping their kids knowing that they will do wat they think rite for them.Days are not away when we can see..girls of 12-13 will give viagra to their male frnds.Globlisation at its height!!

  18. I'm a Jaggu, so yes, I'm a smart mouth.. and everyday is V day for Yours truly :)

    I'm not quite sure where my parents fit in on that analysis.. So, I don't wanna screw anything up by trying to find out! (I prefer sneaking around anyway - grapes are sour).

    I think I'd be a c.8 to my kids. I definitely know how I'm NOT gonna treat 'em, so I'm sure I'm gonna love motherhood when it happens to me :)

  19. Hi,
    Do you have the honour of being the first female non-engineer non-science graduate from IIM-A to make her own career in writing, straight out of IIM-A.


  20. All I will say is that one should not make a sweeping statement because sometimes youthful exuberance can make a wrong choice and prove the parents right too.

  21. The most important reason why i wudn't go against my parents wishes.... becoz I wudn't wanna be DISINHERITED. After all once u have all the money u can buy love (true ho ya false)... but vice versa u can't sell love for real money. Can u??

  22. well indeed sm intrstng views thr!!!... bt the underline statemnt - hw doz it matr whthr?? as a prsn i hv numeros frnds.. i freak arnd & also indulge in casual the special 1 is yet 2 tat doznt bothr me...yea 2 sm extnt ppl mite thnk dis the outbrst f anthr semi-westrnizd brouhaha,bt tats da way i feel abt life...n takin in2 considrtn views f my folks..i knw wen nt 2 hurt thm bt still njoi the cake...A sensitive balance nid 2 b thr...

  23. Hey,
    Nice post-loved the categories of parents!
    Bang on...and while we all hope we can be 3.5...I belive its easier said than done!

  24. I like the name 'pyar ke asli dushman'....

    check my blog for something related or u can say unrelated...its about pyar key asli dost!!!! called love and marriage!!!


  25. Hi Rashmi Ji,

    your post has always been a good read. This one too. I just disclosed to my parents the status of my love life. And surprisingly, they dint react the way I expected them to!!! I belong to a middle class Sikh family ( hope you know the Sikhs and ... marrying outta the caste is NO WAY!!!) [ The guy is a pundit btw]. They are like OK, let us meet him first.

    Dont know where to rate them 3 / 4 or 5??? The times sure are changing

    Tk Cr

  26. You're right about it being important that people have the freedom to celebrate Valentine's Day- on the other hand , I can't think of a festival that is more hype and less substance than this one- Its great that's its love that is being celebrated - but its less about love now and more about presents nad card and chocolate- although maybe hypocritically I wouldn't protest at being given roses and chocolates myself ;)

  27. ohhh...I am sooooo happy that we can celebrate valentine's day. Its such a chweeeeeeeet festival.

  28. thanks thanks :)

    wait till I make my parents read this >:) *evil grin*

  29. yeah rt!! pyaar ke asli dushman HA!!! ....... my parents are very conservative but still know about every girl i am friends with and go around with they also know abt every other thing that happens in my life....... there has been no time since my childhood that we never reasoned something out ...... my parents are my best friends and they know it ....... V-Day.... if u love someone flaunt it on the street is that what ur so called "festival" is about? ..... what is the right age to know what u should be looking for to know you are in a relationship?..... two ways to learn ..... have a series of "relationships" which can include casual sex and then feel used OR try to listen if someone tries to guide u........ but no they who take care of u for 18yrs suddenly become "pyaar ke dushman"........ i think u shud limit ur prejudice to a few ppl who no doubt are inflexible but the mass of ppl are not like those ur thinking of from the 1930s......... ur analysis may no doubt help a few........

  30. Straddled between conservatism and mordernism, today's youth is more or less confused about which one to adapt - whether to listen to their c1/c2 (majority lies here i believe) parents or whether to sneak and indulge in casual physical relationship.
    But on the same note, I'm sure most parents themselves are at a loss. They are just not able to decide whether to remain c1/c2 kinda parents (since society demads it) or to be the c4 type and let their kids live a life of their own.

    I guess as youth we have to try to understand the dilemma the parents face and not complain that they do not understand us.

  31. My parents have evolved from type a's to type d as I've grown up....though, heh, I'm already getting white hair on imagining my kids doing the same stuff I did behind my parents' backs...guess I'll be a (-d) parent...:-D

  32. Damn.. I was zimbly enjoying reading this when I came onto that para in bold..

    It was a disappointment in the sense that, you state albeit indirectly, that the fact that youngsters think twice about casual sex is because of social and familial pressures AND directly, that it is a good thing..

    The point to note here is that the common ideology, the previous generation's stereotyped one and yours is not too different at all.. They're just two different points on the same line of thought..

    What we could look at, although not very practical, and maybe not successfully, is that those youngsters indulge in or handle casual sex better - as a conscious rational decision of free will, not controlled, influenced, restricted or for that matter encouraged by social or familial pressures..

    But yeah.. Might not work.. And you might not want to take that risk with your own children.. But then, thats what everyone's been doing all this time anyway..

  33. Anonymous9:31 AM

    减速机 齿轮减速机 SEW减速机 摆线针轮减速机 蜗轮蜗杆减速机 interlining
    明星代言 明星经纪公司
    制动单元 铝壳电阻
    modern abstract art sofa manufacturer
    净水器 开水器 净水机 净水 软水机 软水 直饮机 家用净水 家用净水器 家用净水机 中央净水 中央净水器 水家装 水家电 水卫士 混合机
    过滤机 DHL快递 俄罗斯签证 回转支承 Laser marking
    保险箱 法兰 法兰标准
    polycarbonate sheet 回流焊 波峰焊
    压球机 注册上海公司 儿童摄影
    牛皮癣 皮肤病 制氮机
    食堂售餐机 校园一卡通
    学校一卡通 ic卡售饭机
    食堂售饭机 深圳一卡通
    广东售饭机 机电设备安装
    北京发票 代开发票
    餐饮发票 住宿发票
    网络电话 免费网络电话
    假发 补发
    织发 植发
    压滤机 板框压滤机
    蒸馏水机 纯蒸气发生器
    上海搬家公司 上海搬场公司
    大众搬家 大众搬场
    张家界旅游 香港旅游
    深圳旅行社 打包机
    收缩机 对讲机 电源模块
    售饭机 水控机 水控器
    萎缩性胃炎 neoprene laptop bags
    SEO优化 计量泵
    胃炎 胃病
    冷水机 冰水机
    北京特价机票 北京打折计票 北京国际机票
    北京机票预定 北京飞机票
    北京订机票 北京机票查询 饮料机械
    银杏 水培花卉 企业宣传片 空分设备
    化工泵 离心机
    电话交换机 程控交换机 集团电话 集装袋
    混合机 混合机
    混合机捏合机 捏合机
    捏合机导热油炉 导热油炉
    导热油炉 反应釜 反应釜
    反应釜 spherical roller bearing
    搬运车 搬运车 电动搬运车 油桶搬运车 堆高车 电动堆高车 半电动堆高车 堆垛车
    高空作业平台车 电动叉车 平衡重叉车 前移叉车 电瓶叉车
    韩国饰品批发 模块电源
    X架 超薄灯箱> 易拉宝 展柜制作
    代理服务器 游戏加速器 网络加速器
    网通加速器 电信加速器 电信网通转换器
    电信网通加速器 网通电信互转
    网通电信互通 网络游戏加速器
    美国VPN代理 美国独享VPN 美国独享IP
    pvc ceiling panel Spherical roller bearings
    安全鞋 劳保鞋 防砸鞋 电绝缘鞋 上海安全鞋 上海劳保鞋 江苏劳保鞋
    服装软件 服装管理软件 进销存软件
    进销存管理软件 服装管理系统 服装进销存软件
    进销存系统 进销存管理系统 免费进销存软件
    吉林中医 东北特产
    阳痿 阴茎短小 阴茎增大
    早泄 前列腺炎 阴茎增粗 阴茎延长
    国际机票 上海国际机票
    国际特价机票 国际打折机票
    砂磨机 砂磨机
    砂磨机 卧式砂磨机
    卧式砂磨机 卧式砂磨机
    三辊研磨机 三辊研磨机
    三辊研磨机 混合机 混合机
    混合机 锥形混合机 锥形混合机 锥形混合机 行星动力混合机 行星动力混合机 行星动力混合机 无重力混合机 无重力混合机 无重力混合机
    干粉砂浆设备 干粉砂浆设备
    干粉砂浆设备 捏合机 捏合机 捏合机 导热油炉 导热油炉 导热油炉 反应釜 反应釜 反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜
    乳化机 涂料设备 干混砂浆设备 无重力混合机 胶体磨 涂料成套设备 双螺旋混合机
    北京婚庆 北京婚庆公司
    办证 呼吸机 制氧机
    亚都 亚都加湿器 亚都净化器
    饰品批发 小饰品批发 韩国饰品 韩国饰品批发 premature ejaculation penis enlargement
    安利产品 马来西亚留学
    网站优化 网站推广
    论文代写 代写论文
    拖链 防护罩 排屑机 塑料拖链 钢铝拖链
    深圳装饰 深圳装饰公司 深圳装修公司
    特价机票 打折机票 国际机票
    新风换气机 换气机 立式新风换气机 风机箱 新风系统 能量回收机
    搅拌机 混合机 乳化机
    毛刷 毛刷辊 工业毛刷 刷子 钢丝刷
    涂层测厚仪 硬度计
    兆欧表 激光测距仪
    测振仪 转速表
    温湿度计 风速仪
    噪音计 红外测温仪
    硬度计 万用表
    美容院 美容加盟
    澳洲留学 澳大利亚留学
    酒店预定 北京酒店预定 北京酒店
    nail equipment nail products nail product nail uv lamp nail uv lamp nail uv lamps uv nail lamp nail brush
    nail file nail tool nail tip nail gel curing uv lamps lights
    万用表 风速仪
    红外测温仪 噪音计
    苗木价格 苗木信息 标牌制作 深圳标牌 北京儿童摄影 防静电鞋 淘宝刷信誉
    威海凤凰湖 威海海景房 大庆密封件
    打标机 淘宝刷信誉 TESOL/TEFL国际英语教师证书 英语教师进修及培训 北京快递公司 北京国际快递

  34. Anonymous11:11 AM

    导热油炉吴桥县导热油炉锅有限责任公司是全国最大的生产导热油炉生产基地之一,公司主要生产各种导热油炉锅,熔盐炉, 转盘轴承,管式加热炉,蒸汽发生器,一二类压力容器.徐州回转支承 公司提供转盘轴承 --slewing ring slewing bearing slewing bearings服务. automation-industrial-industrial automation-slewing bearingslewing bearings

  35. Anonymous3:18 PM

    Today is the gold für wow second day of 2009 ,world of warcraft gold it also a mesos special for me .cheap wow gold Because i have cheap maplestory mesos a chance to go to an english speech of LiYang and crazy to learn english follow him . He is a firendly,kindly person who make me feel gold kaufen What‘s more ,maple story mesos he very confidence .And he make me sure what he can do i also can do,as long as i make a determination and force myself to do it every second,Crazy just like him .wow geld I learn one setence from his book ever :maple story items If you want to succeed always force yourself to do more .I can't agree more with him .wow gold farmen To be honest ,when i was a littel girl i already fall in love with english.But what a pity i am poor in english ,Maple Story Account and it make me feel frustrating .So i want to give up many times ,but i can't as i still love it .So i tell mysefl :if you think you can you can wow leveling,and all your maple story power leveling hard work will pay power leveling Today i am very happy i can listien this wonderful speech of LiYang. I reap a great benifits from him .maple story money As he say :i am the best ,and every one can do it . world of warcraft power leveling Yes,i belive i can do it if i crazy as he buy archlord gold.Now i want to say :i will never give up.

  36. Anonymous8:28 AM

    ^^ nice blog!! ^@^

    徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 挽回感情, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 捉姦, 徵信公司, 通姦, 通姦罪, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 捉姦, 監聽, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 外遇問題, 徵信, 捉姦, 女人徵信, 女子徵信, 外遇問題, 女子徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 徵信公司, 徵信網, 外遇蒐證, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 感情挽回, 挽回感情, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 外遇沖開, 抓姦, 女子徵信, 外遇蒐證, 外遇, 通姦, 通姦罪, 贍養費, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 女人徵信, 外遇

    徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信網, 外遇, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 女人徵信, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信,

    徵信, 徵信社,徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 離婚, 外遇,離婚,

    徵信, 外遇, 離婚, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 征信, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信,

  37. Anonymous8:14 AM

    I like hero gold very much because it is very useful. In fact at first sight I have fallen in love with hero online gold. So no matter how much I have spent to buy hero gold, I never regret. Because of hero online money, I meet a lot of friends. So I never hesitate to buy hero money.
    My friends and I like to buy habbo credits, because the habbo gold is very useful to upgrade equipment. Only your equipment becomes better, then you can win this game. In habbo coins, you can buy everything you want in this game. Tomorrow will be my birthday, so my friends promise to buy habbo gold as gifts. I am so happy. They understand me so well, cheap habbo credits is my favorite.


Disqus for Youth Curry - Insight on Indian Youth