Thursday, September 08, 2005

.'More than friends'

Salaam Namaste gets released tomorrow. When I first heard the title I thought it might be a Hindu boy-Muslim girl kind of story in a modern context (although Preity's clothes were a little too tiny for that!). Then, the buzz was it's about a 'live in' relationship.

And now we know for sure - they do live in, but only as roommates.

They live together, but as friends, in different rooms. They're in a relationship… but then again they're not.

It is a Yash raj film after all - even if it is shot in Australia! But of course, it's very hip, New Age and all that:

He's a Chef; she's a Radio Jockey. They're young, they're cool, they're independent –and together they make the BEST pair! Or do they?

My point is - of course they are going to realise it's true love at the end of it all. So the fun lies only in the meandering journey towards that end. Unfortunately, in real life it's far more complex

Dost dost na raha...
One of the biggest dilemmas in life is realising that someone who is a friend, is also 'more than a friend'. It usually happens quite sneakily and unexpectedly and there - life is never quite the same again.

Now if this happens when you and 'more than a friend' are both single, it's bad enough. But if either one of you - or both - is actually committed to someone else (at least in theory, if not practice) you find yourself in a heart rending hieroglyphic.

The thing is, love - or lust/ attraction/ gosh-I-want-to-know-that-person-intimately can happen to anyone, at any age. Not just at a convenient 23 - 26(for girls) and 25-30 (for boys) as all Indian parents would wish.

At which time they can offer their blessings along with gold sets and Kala Niketan sarees which they know you aren't going to wear anytime in the next decade.

Dil vil pyaar vyaar
Last night I saw a re-run of 'Love Actually'; a cheesy film on the whole but one with several poignant scenes, like this one:

10 year old Sam has just lost his mother, and his stepfather is worried - he's looking really bad.
Dad: "Sam - what's on your mind?"
Sam: "If I tell you and you can't do anything about it - is it OK?"
Dad: "Yes, of course".
Sam: "Dad I'm in love and she doesn't even know I exist."
Dad (taken aback): "Aren't you a little young to be in love?"
Sam: (glares): "No!"
Dad: "Well, Ok ... uh.. anyways I'm glad you told me. I thought it was something worse."
Sam: "Worse? What can be worse than the agony of being in love?"

So there you have it. Nothing can be worse. Or better.

And even if you do find 'The One' and make him/ her yours for life, be prepared for 'more than friends' feelings to arise with someone else, at some point.

The days when women met only dhobis and sabziwallahs and men sat with fat munshis behind the counters of shops are completely over.Temptation and interesting conversation lurks around every office corner!

As Psychology Today magazine notes:
Like every other kind of intimacy, the workplace variety brings with it the likelihood of sexual attraction. It is natural. It is inevitable, hard-wired as we are to respond to certain kinds of stimuli, although it sometimes comes as a surprise to those it strikes. But sexual attraction in the office is virtually inevitable for other reasons as well: The workplace is an ideal pre-screener, likely to throw us together with others our own age having similar socioeconomic and educational backgrounds, similar sets of values, and similar aspirations.

It also offers countless opportunities for working friendships to develop. As teams come to dominate the structure of the business world, the other half of a business team is increasingly likely to be not only a colleague with complementary skills and interests, but an attractive member of the opposite sex. As close as the collaboration between men and women workers can get at the office, it may be even more so outside it, as workers today function in an extended workplace of irregular hours and non-office settings. We are now more likely than ever, for example, to share the intimate isolation of business travel.

However, the article goes on to say:
"Sexual attraction can be managed. It is not only possible to acknowledge sexual attraction, but also to enjoy the energy generated by it--and without acting on it sexually."

Hmm. Right. Don't have your cake just look at it, imagine what it might taste like and channelise the imaginary calories into imaginary sex...

But seriously, of course we don't act on every impulse we get. And many attractions remain, known to both parties but not formally acknowledged. They just make life a little more interesting, but have the potential to make it all too complicated.

Best to let sleeping passions lie, than stare into each other's eyes and unravel the naked, boring truth.


  1. Best to let sleeping passions lie, than stare into each other's eyes and unravel the naked, boring truth.

    This reminds me of the phrase "He who stares into a girl's eyes hasnt been told the terrible truth"

    But seriously, of course we don't act on every impulse we get. And many attractions remain, known to both parties but not formally acknowledged. They just make life a little more interesting, but have the potential to make it all too complicated.

    This you never know.....hahaha

    Very well written, as usual.

  2. Rashmi,

    YOu can become a relationship consultant. Will be very helpful :)

  3. True about the energy generating thing. I always channelise it to write poems. Acts a proper inspiring fuel ;) It works wonders, I can actually some kind of invisible force gushing through my veins impelling me to get to some creative work.

  4. Why cant it just be clean friendship when you have someone back home trusting that my wife will never get attracted to another man.

  5. Rashmi - I am so tempted to be a spoiler and tell you what happens at the end of the Salaam Namaster movie - what happens to Saif... what happens to Preity.... but then should I?

    I have not seen the movie but someone ruined it for me and I thought of doing it for all of you ... but I decided against it now

  6. Nice post..!!

    Well...mohabbat aur jang mein sab jaayaz hai !!!
    ab mohabbat kaise bhi ho..after physical intimacy ya before ..hoti to mohabbat hi hai ..!!

  7. Very true. As usual, Rashmi has brought the omnipresent truth into words very vividly.

    It happens no. of times in evry1's lives. The real idea of speaking through eyes is enof for a person 2 skip a beat.
    N i feel its pretty obvious the moment one is interested in another, it is transparent. Its when the other person also responds when it becomes bliss, but the relationship doesn't always blossom due to some precarious reasons.
    I term it Ego Satisfaction, just enjoying the importance given by the opposite sex. But this is not a rule. Sometimes relationships do blossom.

    I hv been thinking on this point for quite some time. I heard this line in the movie "Hum Tum". it said" ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi acche dost nahi ban sakte. Saala pyaar beech main aa jaata hai".

    n i found it 2 b very true.
    wht say ppl? ne1 2 debate on it.


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