Tuesday, March 01, 2005

The Great Indian Marriage

Last night I saw a sweet old fashioned film called 'Barefoot in the Park'. It's just waiting to catch the eye of a Bollywood type at his local DVD library - watch for it to be turned into a hit Hindi phillum!

Actually the movie itself is an adaptation of a Broadway play written by Neil Simon in the 60s. The story is basic: Paul (Robert Redford) is an up and coming young lawyer who's just married Corie (Jane Fonda) an excessively perky young thing. Life after the honeymoon is not a bed of roses as Corie is not exactly a meticulous homemaker. For example. she chooses an apartment on the 5th floor of a building without an elevator (making for plenty of comic moments).

What's worse, however, is that Paul now needs to concentrate on furthering his career - and after one night on the town where Paul does not join in the fun, Corie starts feeling he's a 'stuffed shirt'. "You won't even walk barefoot in the park," she says - a confirmation to her of the fact that Paul is simply to uptight to enjoy life.

So, just a few weeks into the marriage she declares it's time for him to move out - and for them to get a divorce. Remember I said it's an old fashioned film - so in the end they kiss and make up. However it's interesting to note that it's basically a case of the young woman's lowered 'tolerance level' - a phenomenon we are seeing a lot of in India now.

"Can't take it, won't take it"
An India Today cover story titled 'Divorce goes young' (Feb 28, 2005) notes that 70% of divorces now involve couples below 35 years of age, driven apart by stressful lifestyles and intolerance.

'Divorces are not new in India," notes the article. "What's new is their growing numbers, different reasons and the diminishing stigma around them. More young couples are filing for divorce long before the 7 year itch sets in... Some in the first year of marriage."

Apparently 'amicable separation' in the first year of marriage has increased by 30% since 2000. And, more young women are initiating divorce. And not because of dowry harassment/ physical violence - which were the main reasons earlier. "Sexual incomaptibility, insensitivity, inequality, temperamental differences and psychological tiredness" are the reasons given most often now.

The problem begins with simple irritants like one partner likes films, the other theatre... one likes to spend, the other save. "Instead of adjustment, people dwell on the differences..." And then things quickly boil over.

Part of the reason is the financial empowerment of women - it makes it a lot easier for them to say "I don't need to put up with this nonsense". But even women who stepped into marriage as 'homemakers' are less inclined to be adjusting and tolerant.

However, survey after survey reveals that young people still believe in marriage - few are for live-in relationships. So what's the solution?

Maybe 'relationship training' in schools and colleges? At least plant the seed in young people's minds that marriage is not something that can run on auto-pilot once the wooing phase is over. You have to work on it, just like your career.

Speaking of careers, there's a big business opportunity in counselling - marital and otherwise. Psychology graduates are going to soon be a 'hot' commodity in the market - as companies, schools and colleges will be forced to look at the mental health aspect in their organisations.

Coming back to the original topic, Corie's mother gives her this most sensible piece od advice,"Give up a little of yourself for him... Don't make everything a game. Take care of him. Make him feel important!" If you manage to do that, she says - you will be one of the 2 out of 10 couples with a 'happy marriage'.

Unfortunately, young women, can't manage that. It goes against their 'we are liberated and demand equality' attitude'. Yet 4 decades later that bit of advice is still relevant.

Fact is, men - in India and the world over - have not evolved as rapidly as the women. They need reassurance and ego massage. Which is something young women should not see as a sign that they are 'inferior' - in fact it's quite the opposite :)

Shobha De's new book 'Spouse' seems like a very timely release in this context. I am no fan of her past works, but I think finally she has produced a book on a subject where she has real insight to share. In a first of sorts then - I may actually pick up a copy. Will let you know if you should too :)


  1. Anonymous8:29 PM

    "Fact is, men - in India and the world over - have not evolved as rapidly as the women. They need reassurance and ego massage. Which is something young women should not see as a sign that they are 'inferior' - in fact it's quite the opposite :)"

    Fact !!!!!! pleaaassse - categorizing individual behaviour based on gender is too general and chauvnistic.

    Marriage as an institution forced by convention and soceity is questionable in todays context. Ideally it should be a relationship between two independent individuals, some thing like a live-in where u dont take things for granted.

  2. Anonymous9:00 PM

    prabhakar said...
    "Fact is, men - in India and the world over - have not evolved as rapidly as the women. They need reassurance and ego massage. Which is something young women should not see as a sign that they are 'inferior' - in fact it's quite the opposite :)"

    Fact !!!!!! pleaaassse - categorizing individual behaviour based on gender is too general and chauvnistic.

    Marriage as an institution forced by convention and soceity is questionable in todays context. Ideally it should be a relationship between two independent individuals, some thing like a live-in where u dont take things for granted.

    8:29 PM

  3. Anonymous9:16 AM

    Hmmm good advice there.
    By the way, at Xaviers Bombay, we used to have a Marriage Counselling vocational clas....didnt take it myself, but heard it was pretty interesting.

  4. Hi,

    I too read the cover story and was wondering.. with so much of education/exposure and the understanding that we (men&women) give to the outside world, why is it that the oldest institute (of marriage)is falling apart.

    Its the basic understanding which is missing.. man's ego or woman's liberation (financial..sexual..etc) all discounted.. its just the basics which need to be set right.
    The profession demands odd hours so be it..its the same for me as her man and for her as my woman.. the space is needed and should be given, at the same time the space should never become distance which could never be covered up! I fully agree with Cori's mothers advice of giving up a little... it applies to both the partners.

    Knowing what we want.. together and for self.. the magic of being we from i and me.. i guess that should make a difference.. not to sure (still single!!)

    An eg.. One a very close friend of mine, madly in love with a classmate and she too was interested but she knew that the way she has been living (stinkingly rich)life, that is something my friend will never be able to give (atleast in the first 5-10years) she knew she wont be able to adjust and thus she refused. Heart break... Sobb.. a lot of it but i guess it was all worth it for the future they thought they'd have together which (might)have ended as one of the case studies of INDIA TODAY's cover story.

    My own story.. decided to not to marry for the one whom i wanted to is not happening and i dont think i am ready to accept anyone else.. i know that i'd be comparing both the females.. she and the one who would come in my life.. A lot of it.. dont know if the mindset will ever change .. but for sure i am not prepaired to get married now.
    Incidently i met a very highly placed employee of a TOurism Board and her reaction when she got to know taht i am still unmarried was that.." you should get married now..28 is the apt age and if you keep waiting, you'll get a mature (age wise)woman and she would never compromise and life would be tough..."

    what an advice i thought.. rules are diff for me and for that woman..(wont she think i am old enf to adjust?) anyways, tell me if getting married at an early age is problematic and at a later age too.. Y ON EARTH SHOULD ONE GET MARRIED!!!

  5. "relationship training in schools and colleges"

    Isn't that achieved by having a girlfriend/boyfriend? You want to make it compulsory, da?

  6. if you don't like shobhaa de,then u surely must read "speedpost"...and well,lets get back to discussing her acumen for all things literary after that

  7. Hey...visited your blog for teh first time...
    Had been a long time since I heard a woman talk like that on a public platform...
    Sounds great and makes me feel great too...
    Its nice when someone, once in a while, takes reality and throws it right at your face...
    Some people might feel a li'l offended...but like it is said Reality Bites....sometimes...it Stings...
    Good job Rashmi...Am so glad i came across your blog. take a peep into mine if you feel like, someday. Tho' its a little different from yours...infact very different. Its called akaakina.blogspot.com . Cheers!!

  8. Diddo on the woman throwing it at the wall thing. I think that you couldn't be more right on but the comment on categorizing behavior based on male or female is also on in a sense and shouldn't be taken lightly. All in all, good advice.
    relationship help & advice guy

  9. Now a days lots many matrimonial sites are coming up for Indian community, like shaai.com, SuperShaadi.com, shaadiKaro.com, jeevaan sathi.com but one thing is common most of them are simply copying the concept from shaadi.com, there one site called supershaadi.com, seems they have copied the complete concept from shaadi.com but they are claiming that they are 100% freee. How is that possible ??. Right now I am looking for a good indian girl from Hindu community, any suggestion, which site is good for that ?

  10. Anonymous12:17 PM

    减速机 齿轮减速机 SEW减速机 摆线针轮减速机 蜗轮蜗杆减速机 interlining
    明星代言 明星经纪公司
    制动单元 铝壳电阻
    modern abstract art sofa manufacturer
    净水器 开水器 净水机 净水 软水机 软水 直饮机 家用净水 家用净水器 家用净水机 中央净水 中央净水器 水家装 水家电 水卫士 混合机
    过滤机 DHL快递 俄罗斯签证 回转支承 Laser marking
    保险箱 法兰 法兰标准
    polycarbonate sheet 回流焊 波峰焊
    压球机 注册上海公司 儿童摄影
    牛皮癣 皮肤病 制氮机
    食堂售餐机 校园一卡通
    学校一卡通 ic卡售饭机
    食堂售饭机 深圳一卡通
    广东售饭机 机电设备安装
    北京发票 代开发票
    餐饮发票 住宿发票
    网络电话 免费网络电话
    假发 补发
    织发 植发
    压滤机 板框压滤机
    蒸馏水机 纯蒸气发生器
    上海搬家公司 上海搬场公司
    大众搬家 大众搬场
    张家界旅游 香港旅游
    深圳旅行社 打包机
    收缩机 对讲机 电源模块
    售饭机 水控机 水控器
    萎缩性胃炎 neoprene laptop bags
    SEO优化 计量泵
    胃炎 胃病
    冷水机 冰水机
    北京特价机票 北京打折计票 北京国际机票
    北京机票预定 北京飞机票
    北京订机票 北京机票查询 饮料机械
    银杏 水培花卉 企业宣传片 空分设备
    化工泵 离心机
    电话交换机 程控交换机 集团电话 集装袋
    混合机 混合机
    混合机捏合机 捏合机
    捏合机导热油炉 导热油炉
    导热油炉 反应釜 反应釜
    反应釜 spherical roller bearing
    搬运车 搬运车 电动搬运车 油桶搬运车 堆高车 电动堆高车 半电动堆高车 堆垛车
    高空作业平台车 电动叉车 平衡重叉车 前移叉车 电瓶叉车
    韩国饰品批发 模块电源
    X架 超薄灯箱> 易拉宝 展柜制作
    代理服务器 游戏加速器 网络加速器
    网通加速器 电信加速器 电信网通转换器
    电信网通加速器 网通电信互转
    网通电信互通 网络游戏加速器
    美国VPN代理 美国独享VPN 美国独享IP
    pvc ceiling panel Spherical roller bearings
    安全鞋 劳保鞋 防砸鞋 电绝缘鞋 上海安全鞋 上海劳保鞋 江苏劳保鞋
    服装软件 服装管理软件 进销存软件
    进销存管理软件 服装管理系统 服装进销存软件
    进销存系统 进销存管理系统 免费进销存软件
    吉林中医 东北特产
    阳痿 阴茎短小 阴茎增大
    早泄 前列腺炎 阴茎增粗 阴茎延长
    国际机票 上海国际机票
    国际特价机票 国际打折机票
    砂磨机 砂磨机
    砂磨机 卧式砂磨机
    卧式砂磨机 卧式砂磨机
    三辊研磨机 三辊研磨机
    三辊研磨机 混合机 混合机
    混合机 锥形混合机 锥形混合机 锥形混合机 行星动力混合机 行星动力混合机 行星动力混合机 无重力混合机 无重力混合机 无重力混合机
    干粉砂浆设备 干粉砂浆设备
    干粉砂浆设备 捏合机 捏合机 捏合机 导热油炉 导热油炉 导热油炉 反应釜 反应釜 反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜
    乳化机 涂料设备 干混砂浆设备 无重力混合机 胶体磨 涂料成套设备 双螺旋混合机
    北京婚庆 北京婚庆公司
    办证 呼吸机 制氧机
    亚都 亚都加湿器 亚都净化器
    饰品批发 小饰品批发 韩国饰品 韩国饰品批发 premature ejaculation penis enlargement
    安利产品 马来西亚留学
    网站优化 网站推广
    论文代写 代写论文
    拖链 防护罩 排屑机 塑料拖链 钢铝拖链
    深圳装饰 深圳装饰公司 深圳装修公司
    特价机票 打折机票 国际机票
    新风换气机 换气机 立式新风换气机 风机箱 新风系统 能量回收机
    搅拌机 混合机 乳化机
    毛刷 毛刷辊 工业毛刷 刷子 钢丝刷
    涂层测厚仪 硬度计
    兆欧表 激光测距仪
    测振仪 转速表
    温湿度计 风速仪
    噪音计 红外测温仪
    硬度计 万用表
    美容院 美容加盟
    澳洲留学 澳大利亚留学
    酒店预定 北京酒店预定 北京酒店
    nail equipment nail products nail product nail uv lamp nail uv lamp nail uv lamps uv nail lamp nail brush
    nail file nail tool nail tip nail gel curing uv lamps lights
    万用表 风速仪
    红外测温仪 噪音计
    苗木价格 苗木信息 标牌制作 深圳标牌 北京儿童摄影 防静电鞋 淘宝刷信誉
    威海凤凰湖 威海海景房 大庆密封件
    打标机 淘宝刷信誉 TESOL/TEFL国际英语教师证书 英语教师进修及培训 北京快递公司 北京国际快递

  11. Understanding the purity and purpose of sex by respecting each others bodies in the most holy relationship called Marriage.


  12. Anonymous2:55 PM

    Three passions,warcraft leveling simple but wow lvl overwhelmingly strong,wow power level have governed wow power level my life: the longing wrath of the lich king power leveling for love, the search for knowledge,World of warcraft Power Leveling and unbearable pity WOTLK Power Leveling for the suffering wlk power leveling of mankind. These passions,wlk power leveling like great winds,age of conan gold have blown me hither and thither,cheap aoc gold in a wayward course,aoc power leveling over a great ocean ffxi gil of anguish, reaching final fantasy xi gil to the very verge of despair. I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed FFXI Gil all the rest of life for final fantasy gil a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, wow gold because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness dog clothes looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss.

  13. Anonymous7:36 AM

    ^^ nice blog!! ^@^

    徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 挽回感情, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 捉姦, 徵信公司, 通姦, 通姦罪, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 捉姦, 監聽, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 外遇問題, 徵信, 捉姦, 女人徵信, 女子徵信, 外遇問題, 女子徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 徵信公司, 徵信網, 外遇蒐證, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 感情挽回, 挽回感情, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 外遇沖開, 抓姦, 女子徵信, 外遇蒐證, 外遇, 通姦, 通姦罪, 贍養費, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 女人徵信, 外遇

    徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信網, 外遇, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 女人徵信, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社,

    徵信, 徵信社,徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 離婚, 外遇,離婚,

    徵信, 外遇, 離婚, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 征信, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信,

  14. Anonymous1:49 PM

    Faint hint of the love of friendship

    Faint hint of the love of friendship. There is a friend, I think that is a cheap wow gold kind of love and friendship between the feelings between, you will occasionally miss a time to silence him, reminds him, the warm heart, a beautiful, a moving. Sad and worried at the time, you will think of him, you hope that he can in your side, give you comfort and buy wow power leveling understanding to you, and you never talk to him, are you afraid of their own grief that would preclude him from peaceful life.

    You will be a song, a color, think of him, think of my wow gold his sincerity, he reminds me of the dedication, his mind had gone through the ups and downs together. With such a friend, you will treasure their lives and love their own lives, because you know I hope you had a good, he would like you to take care of themselves properly, and then to meet, he cheapest wow power leveling would like you to tell him you very happy.

    That the concept of secularism, in your mind, because his replica replica rolex presence has become pale and weak, you are only in the depths of the bottom of my heart for this man set up a small space, stick with that quietly happy memories, from the the very beginning you know that you will not have any love, it seems that talk about love on the desecration CHEAP wow power level of this emotion, this can only be a friendship. This is how in the end all about? You want to for many years, but no clue.

    You seldom have contacts in this long life, you meet the door may be only a few of the ten thousandth time, but in each other's hearts retain a miss, one asked, even if he went to the ends of the earth, even after many, many years, even BUY power leveling when the meet again, has long been a non-object is not, you still remember back as a profound, and this has been sufficient.

    Sometimes life will calm a dry, maybe you will fall into the dry I replica rolex replica did this, perhaps what you do not have love, perhaps early HUAFA, full sideburns pale, but with such a friend, in the your life will ripple slightly, a little color, do you think of him. He remembered the quiet, perhaps the Health and cheap lotro gold the WHO will not forget.

    Am grateful for you in this world, there is such a person, he is replica rolex not around you, he did not do anything for you, but you hope that he would have been very good, long life, happiness well-being ... ...

    Am glad you had a feeling like that, pure and long, in this complex CHEAPEST power leveling world, there are such a friend, it is worth to cheap rs gold lbless you to miss ... ...


Disqus for Youth Curry - Insight on Indian Youth