Monday, March 01, 2010

The Constant Gardener

I haven't updated this blog for a while, for many 'reasons'.

First of all, I was writing a book. And now it's finally done. Yes, my second book has gone to print and will be out this month.

It is a 'sequel' to Stay Hungry and yet, different. Better, I think.

Writing it was exhilarating and yet exhausting. Many were the times when I would rather have blogged about Kapil Sibal than struggled with another chapter. Or proofread pages for the nth time.

But, it is over, I have moved on. In fact, I am now completing a third book.

Which brings me to reason # 2, a bigger reason. And that is, many were the times when I could have blogged - despite the book writing - but something inside me said 'stop'.

In a quiet moment I asked myself,"Why?" And I discovered an uncomfortable truth.

Writing has been one of the great joys of my life. A talent, a gift, a skill which has the power to take me out of myself. When I write, I am in flow. Thoughts come, fingers fly, words are strung together and this sequence of events gives me pleasure - as well as peace -at the same time.

And the amazing thing is, what I write - for the most part - touches people.

You appreciate me, you respond, you are moved to share a part of yourself. Although I do not write for appreciation, I appreciate the appreciation, for sure. In fact, apart from love of writing itself, it is one of the reasons that keeps me going as a blogger.

So?

Well, this part of life, the 'writer' part has been doing extremely well. Without any conscious effort. I mean sure, I do have to put my nose to the grindstone and struggle with 'what am I trying to say' at times. But I know it's just part of the process.

I know I can navigate myself out of any tunnel, no matter how dark.

But that's not the case with the 'rest of my life'. The one that involves people, and relationships. I mean, non-intellectual and 'real world'.

For the longest time, this was a part of myself I always thought I could be 'no good at'. Or at best, average.

Pictures of 'happy families' always made me think - "uh huh, lucky people". I've never felt really close in that way to the people I call my loved ones.

Over the years I realised I am a person whose brain always ruled over her heart. In fact, I barely knew how to deal with emotions - at all.

And yet, leading this life seemed okay to me.
Because, 'you can't have everything'.
Because maybe some people are meant to be this way...

But I realise this is all just rationalisation.

It does not matter how 'successful' you are.
How intelligent you are, how capable.
Or how much money you earn.

If you cannot manage your emotions and connect with people in a deep and meaningful way, nothing really matters.

And so, instead of taking refuge in writing, I am learning to live more fully.
To love and understand myself.
To love and understand others.
To take better care of my body.
Make better use of my mind.
To just be, instead of trying to become.

I feel something inside me changing. And it scares me and thrills me at the same time.

To write about what is happening is a challenge.
I am afraid I will 'reveal' too much of myself.
I will stand exposed.

And I wonder, will you understand?
Or even care??

OKAY.

The good news is, I'm not turning into Paolo Coelho.

I will resume blogging on the subjects I am passionate about - careers, entrepreneurship, 'following your dreams'. And the occassional book review, movie review, thoughts on life, the universe and youth culture.

But from time to time, I will also share that work-in-progress part of myself. Because I think all of us - to lesser or greater degree - need to tend to it.

We nurture mighty trees called 'careers'.
But we let weeds grow in the garden of our soul.

That private space, that special place, where flowers must always be in bloom.
To make life beautiful, and fragrant.
To experience the joy of truly being alive.

35 comments:

  1. Hi Rashmi,

    Good to see you Back !!!

    The other day, I heard you on a old podcast of 'Tech Ka Masala' courtesy Itunes.

    Can I get an update on what happened to the IIPM Vs Gaurav Sabnis/JAM Magazine Case ?

    Thank you

    Raghuraman

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  2. So happy to see your blog updated after months. You are inspirational writer and wonderful guide for the persons like me to start writing. Long back ago, I read an article:You Should Write Blogs by Steve Yegge. . I am very happy to learn that you are doing great in personal life. But there are netizens and student who seek guidance and advice from your blog for shaping their future. Please write on anything even it is not more than a line. We are always here to appreciate and learn from you. Thanks for putting your thoughts together in words on this blog from years.

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  4. Best post!
    Nothing special but as true as the truth itself!
    And yea this is where we see a mix of joy and fear, the two ultimate drivers for anything and everything!
    Thanks for sharing

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  7. Hi Rashmi,

    Congratulations on your second book!!

    I agree with you when you say that relating to people is super important. Someone once said,
    "80 percent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people."

    Anyways, I now look forward to reading your posts about your personal journey even more than I wanna read about entrepreneurship, careers etc.

    Take care

    Ayush

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  8. Very aptly said that if you cannot manage your emotions and connect with people in a deep and meaningful way, nothing really matters. But you are able to connect with the people through your blog very well. What is pleasing news is that you would resume blogging like before!

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  9. Rashmi,
    I completely identify with you.I felt that is it you who write such inspiring posts writing this? I am a really bad connector of people. I have read somewhere that 'empathy' is what makes us human. If we don't have that we are not living full human lives. Looking forward to what you will write about this and hope we will grow more empathetic as how your review to 'Dont loose ur mind,loose ur weight' has helped me stay fit.

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  10. Heyy.. Rashmi i am reader of this blog since many years. And this is my first comment. I really liked this post. This journey of self discovery is simply inspiring.

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  11. Help! Urgent Save my life!!!!


    Real Estate gangsters are after me to kill me! I am surrounded by 100 gangsters in various guises at all times!!!! I can be killed any moment and

    Bangalore police working for the criminals are themselves chasing me the whole country for the past 3 months! And they're after me to kill me!!

    Please help save my life. Pls read http://truthbottle.blogspot.com for all detailed information of this country wide chase by bangalore police and real

    estate gangster network!!



    Even if you cannot help you can still help in spreading the news to as many as possible which can possibly help me in a big way



    jai vinayak
    IIMB Batch of 2000

    ReplyDelete
  12. Help! Urgent Save my life!!!!


    Real Estate gangsters are after me to kill me! I am surrounded by 100 gangsters in various guises at all times!!!! I can be killed any moment and

    Bangalore police working for the criminals are themselves chasing me the whole country for the past 3 months! And they're after me to kill me!!

    Please help save my life. Pls read http://truthbottle.blogspot.com for all detailed information of this country wide chase by bangalore police and real

    estate gangster network!!



    Even if you cannot help you can still help in spreading the news to as many as possible which can possibly help me in a big way



    jai vinayak
    IIMB Batch of 2000

    ReplyDelete
  13. congrats on second book. have read your first book and liked it to some extent.

    on relationship front - i think what you are feeling is sign of growing up. people who live in joint families know/understand this very early. but for children born/brought up in nuclear family, it takes time (sometime forever) to get this concept.

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  14. Send your good taste to celebration by delivering our mouthwatering cakes to Kerala and exotic flowers to Kerala and leave a cherished memory with them. Add zing to the special occasions of your acquaintances in Kerala by sending our fantastic flowers and tasty cakes.

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    ReplyDelete
  15. All the best Rashmi!

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  16. Just read somewhere that the very act of writing and sharing is an act of vulnerability - and makes us human

    Even I have struggled with the "am I too rational?" question... and I think I am - interesting to know about your journey... will keep connected -as usual

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  17. good to see you back after a long hiatus.

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  18. pls keep writing.

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  19. the quote on my office pinboard:

    "nobody has ever died thinking that s/he should have spent more time in office"

    and the picture: "pale blue dot" (see in wikipedia)

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  20. Rashmi,

    now this is called blogging which makes us different than writers..

    Good to see you are back and let me tell you you have a very beautiful inner side... was able to see that today..

    Pankaj

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    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi Rashmi,

    awaiting release of your second book! wish you all the best!

    yes, the journey of self exploration is both exciting and frightening! once you start, it will never end. but it is worth taking! and what we know consciously about ourselves is only a tip of the iceberg. wish you courage and luck in exploring / uncovering hidden 90% :)

    Brinda

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  23. hi Rashmi...
    it was nice to meet you at HEF today.
    and yes good to read ur blog after a long time. All the best for your new book..hope you decide on the name very soon.

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  24. Send your good taste to celebration by delivering our mouthwatering cakes to Chandigarh and exotic flowers to Chandigarh and leave a cherished memory with them. Add zing to the special occasions of your acquaintances in Chandigarh by sending our fantastic flowers and tasty cakes.

    Please visit:
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    popla

    ReplyDelete
  25. very nice post Rashmi.
    Thanks for sharing something so close to heart.
    Your blogposts have always inspired me.

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  26. Phenomenal. While you rediscover yourself, promise us you will always continue to write.

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  27. Hey Congrats Rashmi, have been following your blog for years but never acknowledged...but this post compelled me to do the same....touching post it was....and quite realistic at that...

    Thanks for providing a good read always :)

    Cheers !
    Anupama

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  28. WoW!

    (this is more of an expression when I saw the Rashmi Bansal blog! )

    Padhna ab shuru karenge! ;)

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  29. u should blog more often.. :(

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  30. this was just amazing! food for thought thing.
    congos on ur second book.

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  31. HI,
    I just started to read your new book "Connect The Dots".

    I just want to tell you that
    One of my friend done such great thing.....

    She is just 21 and she has her own office in Juhu....
    U must like to listen her about her story...

    Contact: 8087932593.

    ReplyDelete
  32. May I ask just 1 question. As a writer , do you enjoy typing it straight into your computer( word) or you put it in paper first and then bring it to msword?
    Am asking cos I always write good when i use pen/paper yet suck big time when I type into MSWord.

    ReplyDelete

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