Monday, July 24, 2006

She came, she smiled, she fainted

Miss Puerto Rico is crowned Miss Universe 2006. Ten minutes later she faints, because her dress was too tight.

A barrelful of laughs is not the word Donald Trump would like viewers to use to describe the Miss Universe pageant whose franchise he owns. But that’s exactly what it was.

Who watches such shows? Only idiots like me, who tuned in to Star World expecting to see Frasier. Only to discover Miss Universe 2006 was Monday night comedy. Just a slightly different form of it.

Where does one begin? Miss USA’s purple chiffon gown inspired by a wedding cake, perhaps? The poor girl looked like she would fall flat on her face, any moment.

Then there was the compere’s cheery assertion, “One girl’s life will change tonight!” Never mind if no one remembers the name of last year’s winner…

But, as expected, the question answer round provided the most laughs. Miss Japan is asked, “Which event in world history would you like to change?”. She confidently declares: “Men and women are the same… except men have more physical strength”…

Yeah, so she didn’t answer the question but obviously that does not matter. The girl with the best cosmetic dentist and clingiest outfit won the crown. When asked to define ‘success’ she rattled off a 5 sentence long answer in Spanish which, translated into English means “Gimme that crown, buster!”

Miss Japan – the historically challenged young lady – merely came in second. And Miss Puerto Rico did faint. I’m not making that up! There she is, getting carried away...

"She got dizzy. It's very hot up here. Her dress is tight - as you could see it was beaded and heavy," explained the organisers. She's had 'plenty to eat today' they further clarified...

Perhaps that accounts for the tightness of the dress! :)

The politics of the crown
This year, in a desperate attempt to revive the popularity of the pageant, the contest was held in Los Angeles’ Shrine Auditorium. The same venue as the coveted Oscars.

As we all know where the contest is held has a lot to do with who wins it. Ideally, Miss USA would have won – but that would have appeared too blatant. So she merely makes it to the top 5. Miss Puerto Rico is a fine substitute. Short of official recognition as a state, it is United States territory.

But Puerto Rico is ‘Latin’ enough to satisfy the Hispanic and South American audience as well. Two birds killed with one stone!

It’s no coincidence that Miss Japan won 1st runner up and Miss Switzerland came in third. The signal, clearly, is to give the pageant a ‘First World’ sheen once again.

All those who fret about India not making it – coldly examine the statistics. Miss Universe is more of an American pageant. The 3 countries which have won the maximum number of titles are USA (7), Puerto Rico (5) and Venezuela (3).

Miss World, on the other hand, is a British pageant. The top three on this list are India and Venezuela (5 titles each) and the United Kingdom (4 titles).

The honey is where the money is. I don’t know what Venezuelan mamas mix into their chica’s Farex but for the other girls, clearly nationality does play a role in tipping the scales.

I’m sure Steven Levitt of Freakonomics fame will one day oblige with a more detailed analysis! And one day, we may even have a Miss Universe contestant write a racy book on what really happens behind the scenes at such pageants.

But the good news is, we have a Miss India contestant who’s done that already! Ira Trivedi, a contestant at Miss India 2004 has just published an amusing and altogether convincing account of the madness that goes behind the method in the desi leg of the pageant.

The book is called "What would you do to save the world?" Title accha hai na? The book's no masterpiece but a good read for sure.

Just finished it yesterday, which is one of the excuses I have for pausing to actually watch the Miss Universe pageant. I feel like an insider, now that I am familiar with terms such as 'quarter smiles', 'half smiles' and 'full smiles'. Not to mention the joys of 'stick-on bras'...

A separate post is required to do justice - and one shall shortly follow!

34 comments:

  1. Ya, who is bothered on the Miss universe Pagents now....used to be a rage when the Indian beauties used to win it and subsequently enter Bollywood...the events of this year only show the stupidity attached with the organisers...So much for beauty!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. according to the wiki entry, Venezeula has won it 4 times..
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Universe

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was the editor of the Women's Center Newsletter at my university... the kinds of body image issues and cases of anorexia we came across was astounding!

    ReplyDelete
  4. the pursuit of beauty indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well I dunno how many articles, books, blogs or news channels have been absorbed to understand the need for a Pageant - but - this is how I see it:

    Most of the Pageants are involved with a large list of Charitable Organisations. These Organisations prefer to excite their 'benefitors' (people who are in need of such charity - emotional / physical / economic) with a mascot. A mascot who they can look upto and someone who helps them draw hope.

    The hype generated around the world (for obvious commercial reasons and for the lack of innovative programming from the broadcasters end) is unfortunately, a necessary evil.

    We don't have to be quick to dismiss any such process. It's a pity that women who do participate in such pageants think that its all about the exterior, while what the organisers are primarily looking for is someone who can dance to their tunes while carrying the values they would want her to represent.

    You might as well get a pet dog (domesticated), who you could train to jump through all the hoops rather than a free-thinking stray.

    Believe me when I say from my personal experience that the 'Star Factor' does bring a wide smile and surprisingly gives hope to people who have none.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I loved your voice in this piece- This is what I'd call sparkling humor!

    ReplyDelete
  7. They just want someone dreamy to look upto and the Miss Universe Pageant conjures up one for them, unfailingly, each year.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Best laugh I had all day!!
    Hey remember the Miss World Peagent that Priyanka Chopra won a few years ago?She made an obvious faux pas about wanting to be Mother Theresa when aske about a living role model or something?

    Beauty contests=no brainer?I wonder
    Or is it 'stage fright?'

    ReplyDelete
  9. Was it just me or did the ladies all look like each other? Their figures and big smiles I mean. I wish they had a bigger range of body and face types, since we're not looking for intelligence here.

    ReplyDelete
  10. La vida loca - You know you got it wrong my friend - If you got the opportunity to earn millions, get famous and get laid more often …. You'd stand on the roof shouting how you wanted to become a Mother Teresa.
    That, is the real 'no brainer'!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ha ha ha. I swear I always used to wonder how these girls manage to fit into those clothes, walk with such heels AND smile. Man, one day in a sari and I am grumpy for the whole week. :P

    Btw, just read your article abt the truth abt earning in dollars on rediff. Very well researched post. A friend and I were discussing this same issue sometime back, but we didnt have the purchasing power parity perspective.

    -Sneha
    (http://vegetariandelight.wordpress.com)

    ReplyDelete
  12. And I seriously doubt the "she had plenty to eat" part. Remember that desi band Viva. Soon after the band disintegrated, Mahua (the best voice of the lot) said that they were made to survive on 2 almonds (!!!!) for a whole day, and made to exercise, sing etc etc..

    ReplyDelete
  13. Puerto Rico isnt First World. Ok its an US territory by that logic India would be a part of the First World while it was a British Crown Colony.

    Latin American has a greater percentage of hot women as a percentage of their population compared to any other part of the world. Indian Women, well ;) - there are a few hot women here n there but compared to all the women out there in India that percentage is very small, most being short and ugly, truth hurts !!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. "..I don’t know what Venezuelan mamas mix into their chica’s Farex but for the other girls, clearly nationality does play a role in tipping the scales..."

    he he good one :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. hey ms bansal whats this ur writing on "OUTDATED THINGS" like beauty pagents ...
    :-) just kidding..... common everyone knows what they are worth ..and how always they are mother teresa wannabes including our DESI BEAUTIES . actually i would be interested in ur thoughts on the current fad .. thts real TV i rememember seeing something
    abt small town kids being caught up in all whole hype and landing up in some kinda trouble

    ReplyDelete
  16. Puerto Rico is a spanish speaking latin nation.
    It’s political status is that of a self governing commonwealth(it’s official name is: Estado Libre Associado de Puerto Rico), not fully sovereign yet but heading towards that at full speed.

    reference:
    1)
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/olympics_2004/basketball/3567344.stm

    2)
    http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2006/gacol3138.doc.htm

    ReplyDelete
  17. great post !

    as you said its a comedy show,watched it from the middle and it was real fun especially when i was expecting the japa chick to say something abt hiroshima...that wud have been real fun on a world stage...she said some crap..yeah..men and women something

    ReplyDelete
  18. It's high time Indian beautites won a title of two. Mr. Arjun Singh wake up, do something...

    ReplyDelete
  19. maam whatever ppl may say that beauty contests r no brainers....intelligence is not tested....the fact is these contests r not for testing brains....these shows r for showcasing gorgeous and hot girls on stage in an elegant way.....and people enjoy watchim it....organizers , promoters and participants make money...some charities get funds...and ppl like me get to watch so many beautiful girls on stage at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  20. But one interesting thing about the contestants is that everyone of them wants to do SOCIAL SERVICE after she wins the crown. Even our Indian Divas who won the crown promised a lot of sociawork on stage. But the only social initiative they took up was acting in FILMS !

    ReplyDelete
  21. Talking of getting an inside view, i remember seeing this episode on TV called "Bitches and Beauty Queens". don't remember the channel. it was a behind-the-scenes thingy of the Miss India contest when Neha Dhupia won. When rehearsing for the actual show, 2 or 3 of the contestants were complaining that Neha is getting to walk alone when others are only walking in 3s and 5s and 7s. Made me think that the contest must have been fixed alright.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Good one! These contests certainly have nothing to do with intelligence. I can't believe Miss Japan said something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  23. funny post

    to be fair..there isn't a q&a section in the mr. universe contest...(I'm sure it's good for a few giggles)...i just can see Arnold Schwarzenegger saying "I'll be bach" when asked for which Composer he'd like to be reborn as (heh ok...i know that joke is old, but you gotta admit it still is funny :) )

    ReplyDelete
  24. One thing is certain....the guy who held her when she fainted became the first person to hug the lady after she won the crown!

    ReplyDelete
  25. By the way...that was Jammy who blogs at http://ouchmytoe.rediffblogs.com

    ReplyDelete
  26. Felt as though I saw it live. I was laughing so much! Thanks for a well-written piece.:-)

    ReplyDelete
  27. hmmm...that was the most hilarious Miss Unverse Pageant I have ever seen..errrr...read...he he he...nice post....thanks for making me laugh...man i wonder how could i have missed this contest this year...:-)

    ReplyDelete
  28. that is funny! it's sad though , this huge event is just a marketing thing ..dunno..it's just so ugly

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hmm ..is this just me who remembers Priyanka Chopra bringing back the departed Mother Teresa as "alive" person and winning Miss World ..sounds crazy bcoz few years later an Indian beauty had lost the crown for answering something wrong,perhaps politically

    ReplyDelete
  30. What do you mean no one remembers the name of last year's winner?! Pavlova, right? Canadian, right? Real hot as well, right? No?

    ReplyDelete
  31. 减速机 齿轮减速机 SEW减速机 摆线针轮减速机 蜗轮蜗杆减速机 interlining
    明星代言 明星经纪公司
    制动单元 铝壳电阻
    modern abstract art sofa manufacturer
    净水器 开水器 净水机 净水 软水机 软水 直饮机 家用净水 家用净水器 家用净水机 中央净水 中央净水器 水家装 水家电 水卫士 混合机
    过滤机 DHL快递 俄罗斯签证 回转支承 Laser marking
    保险箱 法兰 法兰标准
    polycarbonate sheet 回流焊 波峰焊
    压球机 注册上海公司 儿童摄影
    牛皮癣 皮肤病 制氮机
    食堂售餐机 校园一卡通
    学校一卡通 ic卡售饭机
    食堂售饭机 深圳一卡通
    广东售饭机 机电设备安装
    北京发票 代开发票
    餐饮发票 住宿发票
    广告发票
    网络电话 免费网络电话
    假发 补发
    织发 植发
    压滤机 板框压滤机
    蒸馏水机 纯蒸气发生器
    上海搬家公司 上海搬场公司
    大众搬家 大众搬场
    张家界旅游 香港旅游
    深圳旅行社 打包机
    收缩机 对讲机 电源模块
    血管栓塞剂
    售饭机 水控机 水控器
    萎缩性胃炎 neoprene laptop bags
    SEO优化
    SEO优化 计量泵
    胃炎 胃病
    冷水机 冰水机
    工业冷水机
    北京特价机票 北京打折计票 北京国际机票
    北京机票预定 北京飞机票
    北京订机票 北京机票查询 饮料机械
    银杏 水培花卉 企业宣传片 空分设备
    化工泵 离心机
    电话交换机 程控交换机 集团电话 集装袋
    混合机 混合机
    混合机捏合机 捏合机
    捏合机导热油炉 导热油炉
    导热油炉 反应釜 反应釜
    反应釜 spherical roller bearing
    搬运车 搬运车 电动搬运车 油桶搬运车 堆高车 电动堆高车 半电动堆高车 堆垛车
    高空作业平台车 电动叉车 平衡重叉车 前移叉车 电瓶叉车
    韩国饰品批发 模块电源
    X架 超薄灯箱> 易拉宝 展柜制作
    代理服务器 游戏加速器 网络加速器
    网通加速器 电信加速器 电信网通转换器
    电信网通加速器 网通电信互转
    网通电信互通 网络游戏加速器
    美国VPN代理 美国独享VPN 美国独享IP
    pvc ceiling panel Spherical roller bearings
    SEO优化
    安全鞋 劳保鞋 防砸鞋 电绝缘鞋 上海安全鞋 上海劳保鞋 江苏劳保鞋
    服装软件 服装管理软件 进销存软件
    进销存管理软件 服装管理系统 服装进销存软件
    进销存系统 进销存管理系统 免费进销存软件
    吉林中医 东北特产
    打包机
    阳痿 阴茎短小 阴茎增大
    早泄 前列腺炎 阴茎增粗 阴茎延长
    国际机票 上海国际机票
    国际特价机票 国际打折机票
    砂磨机 砂磨机
    砂磨机 卧式砂磨机
    卧式砂磨机 卧式砂磨机
    三辊研磨机 三辊研磨机
    三辊研磨机 混合机 混合机
    混合机 锥形混合机 锥形混合机 锥形混合机 行星动力混合机 行星动力混合机 行星动力混合机 无重力混合机 无重力混合机 无重力混合机
    干粉砂浆设备 干粉砂浆设备
    干粉砂浆设备 捏合机 捏合机 捏合机 导热油炉 导热油炉 导热油炉 反应釜 反应釜 反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜 搪玻璃反应釜
    乳化机 涂料设备 干混砂浆设备 无重力混合机 胶体磨 涂料成套设备 双螺旋混合机
    北京婚庆 北京婚庆公司
    400电话
    办证 呼吸机 制氧机
    亚都 亚都加湿器 亚都净化器
    亚都装修卫士
    饰品批发 小饰品批发 韩国饰品 韩国饰品批发 premature ejaculation penis enlargement
    安利产品 马来西亚留学
    网站优化 网站推广
    衬布
    代写论文
    代写论文
    论文代写 代写论文
    磁力泵
    离心泵
    化工泵
    隔膜泵
    螺杆泵
    潜水泵
    油泵
    耐腐蚀泵
    水泵
    拖链 防护罩 排屑机 塑料拖链 钢铝拖链
    化工离心泵
    计量加油泵
    自吸式离心泵
    管道油泵
    自吸式排污泵
    潜水排污泵
    自吸式磁力泵
    耐高温磁力泵
    不锈钢多级离心泵
    多级离心泵
    耐腐蚀自吸泵
    自吸化工泵
    玻璃钢液下泵
    液下式排污泵
    卧式离心清水泵
    氟塑料磁力泵
    磁力驱动循环泵
    耐腐蚀污水泵
    卧式化工离心泵
    玻璃钢耐酸泵
    防爆管道油泵
    不锈钢多级泵
    立式多级离心泵
    塑料磁力泵
    水泵厂
    手摇油泵
    上海水泵厂
    上海水泵
    离心泵厂家
    热水泵
    清水泵
    气动隔膜泵
    深圳装饰 深圳装饰公司 深圳装修公司
    特价机票 打折机票 国际机票
    机票
    新风换气机 换气机 立式新风换气机 风机箱 新风系统 能量回收机
    搅拌机 混合机 乳化机
    分散机
    毛刷 毛刷辊 工业毛刷 刷子 钢丝刷
    涂层测厚仪 硬度计
    兆欧表 激光测距仪
    测振仪 转速表
    温湿度计 风速仪
    超声波测厚仪
    粗糙度仪
    噪音计 红外测温仪
    万用表
    硬度计 万用表
    美容院 美容加盟
    澳洲留学 澳大利亚留学
    什么是法兰
    电烤箱
    酒店预定 北京酒店预定 北京酒店
    离心机
    nail equipment nail products nail product nail uv lamp nail uv lamp nail uv lamps uv nail lamp nail brush
    nail file nail tool nail tip nail gel curing uv lamps lights
    万用表 风速仪
    红外测温仪 噪音计
    苗木价格 苗木信息 标牌制作 深圳标牌 北京儿童摄影 防静电鞋 淘宝刷信誉
    威海凤凰湖 威海海景房 大庆密封件
    打标机 淘宝刷信誉 TESOL/TEFL国际英语教师证书 英语教师进修及培训 北京快递公司 北京国际快递

    ReplyDelete
  32. ^^ nice blog!! ^@^

    徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 挽回感情, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 捉姦, 徵信公司, 通姦, 通姦罪, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 捉姦, 監聽, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 外遇問題, 徵信, 捉姦, 女人徵信, 女子徵信, 外遇問題, 女子徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 徵信公司, 徵信網, 外遇蒐證, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 感情挽回, 挽回感情, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 外遇沖開, 抓姦, 女子徵信, 外遇蒐證, 外遇, 通姦, 通姦罪, 贍養費, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 女人徵信, 外遇

    徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信網, 外遇, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 女人徵信, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信,

    徵信, 徵信社,徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 離婚, 外遇,離婚,

    徵信, 外遇, 離婚, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 征信, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信,

    ReplyDelete
  33. 看房子,買房子,建商自售,自售,台北新成屋,台北豪宅,新成屋,豪宅,美髮儀器,美髮,儀器,髮型,EMBA,MBA,學位,EMBA,專業認證,認證課程,博士學位,DBA,PHD,在職進修,碩士學位,推廣教育,DBA,進修課程,碩士學位,網路廣告,關鍵字廣告,關鍵字,課程介紹,學分班,文憑,牛樟芝,段木,牛樟菇,日式料理, 台北居酒屋,日本料理,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,台北結婚,場地,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,造型系列,學位,SEO,婚宴,捷運,學區,美髮,儀器,髮型,看房子,買房子,建商自售,自售,房子,捷運,學區,台北新成屋,台北豪宅,新成屋,豪宅,學位,碩士學位,進修,在職進修, 課程,教育,學位,證照,mba,文憑,學分班,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,場地,結婚,場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,婚宴場地,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,場地,居酒屋,燒烤,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,小套房,小套房,進修,在職進修,留學,證照,MBA,EMBA,留學,MBA,EMBA,留學,進修,在職進修,牛樟芝,段木,牛樟菇,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,关键词排名,网络营销,網路行銷,關鍵字排名,关键词排名,网络营销,PMP,在職專班,研究所在職專班,碩士在職專班,PMP,證照,在職專班,研究所在職專班,碩士在職專班,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,EMBA,MBA,PMP
    ,在職進修,專案管理,出國留學,EMBA,MBA,PMP
    ,在職進修,專案管理,出國留學,EMBA,MBA,PMP,在職進修,專案管理,出國留學,婚宴,婚宴,婚宴,婚宴,漢高資訊,漢高資訊,比利時,比利時聯合商學院

    住宿,民宿,飯宿,住宿,民宿,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,室內設計,室內設計,室內設計,室內設計,室內設計,漢高資訊,在職進修,漢高資訊,在職進修,漢高資訊,在職進修,漢高資訊,在職進修,漢高資訊,在職進修,住宿,民宿,飯店,旅遊,美容,美髮,整形,造型,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,羅志祥,周杰倫,五月天,蔡依林,林志玲,羅志祥,周杰倫,五月天,蔡依林,林志玲,羅志祥,羅志祥,周杰倫,五月天,蔡依林,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,比利時聯合商學院,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,比利時聯合商學院,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,漢高資訊

    ReplyDelete

Disqus for Youth Curry - Insight on Indian Youth