I feel normal today.
The skies look blue.
Food tastes good.
Breathing is easy.
Yes, I don’t always feel this way.
For many years I have suffered from the ‘blue funk’. The feeling that everything is ok, but it’s not ok.
It’s a feeling that comes and goes. Sometimes it’s fleeting, a minor mood swing. At other times, it’s white hot and intense.
There are certain triggers for this feeling. And one such trigger occurred last month. I thought I was protected, that I would never let another’s words or actions affect me so deeply. But I did.
What has changed is that I have more understanding. I know that I have no control over anybody else but I can work on myself.
This ‘work’ is an ongoing project. When I was first hit by depression, I went the conventional route - medication and psychotherapy. You can read about it in detail here:
Depression: It Could Happen To You. (Youthcurry Feb 2006)
It was a difficult time but it was necessary. I now realize that my body and mind were sending me a much-needed signal. This is not the life you wanted, this is not who you are.
I was reborn as a writer and became an author, because of it.
And I see a pattern. Whenever the shit hits the fan (I mean in my head), I am forced to get out of my comfort zone, my routine existence, and find something to ‘fix myself’. That is how I discovered a whole new world, the world beyond what we see, hear, smell and touch.
The world of the spirit.
Which was surprising because my entire life I have been a rationalist. I believed that ‘thinking’ through a problem or situation is the best way. That feelings are never to be trusted.
And now, I believe quite the opposite.
Again, it was a vague feeling of agitation and internal turmoil that led me down this path. And I must say I was a pretty resistant student. I remember attending ‘Art of Living’ around 8 years ago and feeling
haan acchha hai but then practicing nothing.
Two years later I was really feeling like crap and attended a course in
Isha Yoga. That’s when I understood the power and the value of meditation. You can read about the experience here:
A Journey Within (Youthcurry Dec 2007).
Similarly I attended a course in
reiki because a friend wanted to do it. That was the first time I ever heard of the
seven chakras or ‘energy centers’ in the body. I got initiated and it was all quite fascinating but again I never practiced it.
Three years later another crisis led me to
another wonderful teacher and this time I understood the power of reiki.
In a nutshell, I understood that while we have a physical body, a mental body and an emotional body, we also have an energy body. While conventional medicine treats the physical body, talk therapy is aimed at the mental body. And this process is kind of hit-and-miss.
But if you work on changing your energy, everything automatically changes.
At the core of all matter lies energy, and the human body is no different. The energy body is a template for the physical body. Emotional energy resonates with life experiences, personal and professional relationships, and belief systems and becomes literally encoded in cell tissue.
(from
‘Nourishing the Energy Body’ by Jule Klotter)
Our hands and legs and stomach look solid and material but in essence we are all vibrational beings.
…
Every cell within (the body) is actually energy or light, vibrating at a slow enough rate to make it into visible physical matter. The human body, and the energy field which surrounds and interpenetrates it, is made up of electromagnetic energy, and every person has a unique vibrational energy signature, or frequency, in the same way as we all have unique fingerprints or DNA.
(from
Self-Healing with Reiki by Penelope Quest)
I did not believe this stuff when I first heard it. It was like growing up in a world where you’re told the sun revolves around the earth. And then, some mad scientist proclaiming it’s the other way around.
The most wonderful thing, though, is it doesn’t matter. Even if you don’t believe in it, reiki works. The most amazing thing is that you can send reiki energy to someone far away and it works just as well (it’s called ‘distance healing’).
So what I am saying, in a nutshell, is that learning how to balance your energy body is the biggest gift you can give to yourself. But most of us – including me – are idiots and will be forced to discover these tools and techniques only through a crisis.
You get a chronic medical condition.
Your heart is broken by someone.
You fail at something important.
Now you are depressed and asking ‘why me’. You are a victim of repetitive thoughts and unanswerable questions. People tell you to ‘snap out of it’ but you can’t.
Yes, this is the time of your darkest night and your greatest opportunity. Grab it with both hands, close your eyes and place your trust in the Higher Power. You can and will emerge, a stronger and more vital human being.
I feel the need to share what I have learnt and experienced – over the last few years, and particularly, the last one month, because it’s so beautiful and so important. Yet it’s simply not a part of our ‘education’.
Maybe the knowledge I have gained at the mid-point of my life is something you can understand and apply much earlier ☺
Besides, I find it less and less interesting to comment on external events. Like the problem with the system, the country and the world. My attention at this moment is focused inwards, and that must necessarily reflect in what I write.
I ask only that you keep an open mind.
Tomorrow: The Art of Healing - II
